Your guide to surviving the apocalypse transition to instant coffee
with the power of 🍌 bananas
Brought to you by dagensbanan.se
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It was a Tuesday. The kind of Tuesday that makes you question every life decision that led you to this cubicle. And then came the memo. The fresh-brewed coffee machine—our last remaining source of joy, our liquid beacon of hope—was being replaced by instant coffee. The kind that comes in a jar. The kind that tastes like regret.
But then, a hero emerged from the break room. Not the hero we deserved, but the hero we needed. Someone left a bunch of bananas next to the kettle with a note: "Trust me."
Ranked by desperation level. All tested at dagensbanan.se HQ.
Mash half a ripe banana into your cup of instant coffee. The natural sugars and creamy texture transform that sad brown water into something almost... drinkable. The potassium cancels out the existential dread. Almost.
Freeze a banana overnight. Blend it with instant coffee and a splash of milk. It becomes a frappuccino that would make Starbucks jealous. Your coworkers will form a line. You'll become the office hero. Better than HR promised.
Caramelize banana slices with a tiny bit of sugar in the office microwave (3 minutes). Stir the resulting golden syrup into your instant coffee. It creates a butterscotch-banana flavor that makes you forget you're in a cubicle. Briefly.
Mix instant coffee with cold water and banana slices in a jar. Leave it in the office fridge overnight. The banana infuses while you sleep. Come morning, strain and pour over ice. Leave a label that says "KAREN'S - DO NOT TOUCH" for protection.
Combine instant coffee, hot water, mashed banana, cocoa powder from the vending machine, and stolen creamer packets. Stir with a pen you don't care about anymore. This is the final form. The ultimate office survival beverage. You've peaked.
This technique was discovered in the ancient scrolls of dagensbanan.se and is too powerful for the uninitiated. Scroll to the bottom of this page and prove your worth. The banana reveals itself only to the truly desperate.
As perfected by the break room alchemists of dagensbanan.se
Choose a banana that's perfectly ripe—yellow with a few brown spots. If it's green, you're ambitious. If it's black, you've been meaning to do this since last week's memo.
Add 1-2 teaspoons of instant coffee to your saddest mug (we all have one—the one with the faded company logo from 2014). Add hot water. Try not to weep.
Mash 1/3 of the banana in a separate cup with a fork. Add a tablespoon of hot coffee to the mash and stir until it becomes a smooth paste. This is called "banana extraction" and yes, we made that up.
Pour the banana paste into your coffee. Stir clockwise exactly 7 times (counter-clockwise if you're in the southern hemisphere or just feeling rebellious). Watch the transformation unfold.
Add a pinch of cinnamon from the suspicious spice rack in the kitchen, a splash of whatever milk is in the fridge (check the date first), or a drizzle of honey if you're feeling fancy on a budget.
Take your first sip. Feel the warmth. Feel the banana. Feel... is that hope? Share the remaining banana with a colleague. Start a revolution. Link them to dagensbanan.se. Repeat daily.
Click to cast your vote. Democracy tastes better with bananas.
Tastes like: broken dreams
Aroma: cardboard and regret
Finish: existential void
Tastes like: tropical redemption
Aroma: hope and potassium
Finish: sustainable joy
*Not peer-reviewed. But peer-approved by everyone in the break room.
When banana meets instant coffee, magical things happen. The natural sugars (fructose, glucose, sucrose) counteract the bitterness that makes you question humanity. The potassium helps regulate the blood pressure that spiked when you read the cost-cutting memo. And the tryptophan in bananas? It converts to serotonin—the happiness chemical your brain hasn't produced since they removed the espresso machine.
Natural sugars + caffeine = sustained energy without the crash (physical or emotional)
Potassium improves nerve function. You'll actually understand the spreadsheet today.
Tryptophan → Serotonin. Science says you'll smile. Even on a Monday.
Banana fiber + coffee antioxidants. Your heart will thank you. So will HR eventually.
Replaces the need for expensive creamers. The banana IS the creamer. Mind = blown.
A banana costs almost nothing. Your happiness? Also almost nothing, apparently, to management.
Check off each item. Keep this kit at your desk at all times.
Real confessions* from real office workers*
*completely made up but emotionally accurate
Click the banana to receive urgent banana coffee wisdom
The stars have opinions about your instant coffee situation
(hover to illuminate)
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|:::::::::; / 🍌 \ The banana
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|:::::::; \ you / saves the soul.
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'---' ☕ + 🍌 = 💛